Sunday, July 17, 2011

If I don't break free
free of this relationship
I'll never know what's out there.

I'll never know what I could be.

I deserve so much
after all I've been put through.

If I stay, I'll be ok.
I'll be safe.
But I won't be happy.

What keeps me here,
thoughts that I'm not good enough
to have more.
To be more.

I need to live
so I can learn to feel.

Because right now you have me
I can't breathe. I feel,

7 years.
One card a year for Valentine's.
Perhaps 4-5 birthday cards.
Flowers, twice.
Flowers the first time we met.
Flowers when you hurt me the most,
and I was stupid enough to take you back.

A few days ago I asked for flowers.
Your response: "is it a special occasion?"
That tore me apart.
Do I not deserve flowers just because?

All these years I've been molding myself
to accustom your needs. Your wants.
And now I'm trying to figure out why would I change myself for you?

I used to write. All the time. Poetry.
Love songs. Anything romantic and sweet.

I used to paint. No Van Gogh here.
But it made me happy.

I've lost passion.

Isn't love supposed to be filled with passion?
Heat. Romance. Shouldn't your mate make you come alive?

I've asked all the time- are you happy?
You say Yes.

I ask why you love me,
you have no reasons.

Shouldn't there be some reason why?
Shouldn't you love me for the way I laugh?
For my big brown eyes?
My cute birth mark on my leg?
For the way I say certain words with more emphasis than others?

Just one reason? Any reason.

I've become secluded.
I have no close friends anymore.

The only reason why I can honestly say I've stayed-
Where else am I gonna go?

Who else will want me?

You've made me simply, lose all faith.

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